shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
