I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
