Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
