he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
