this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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