So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize