The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize