Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
