my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
