i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
