it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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