I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
