bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
