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I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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