yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
