Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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