woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize