Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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