It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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