and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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