I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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