Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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