Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
