Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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