It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
