I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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