I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
