Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
ok first of all what the fuck
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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