I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
