Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize