the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
