When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize