u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize