it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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