They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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