yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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