if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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