Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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