drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
