So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
