Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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