During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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