He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dick very happy bro
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
