I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
