I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
