i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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