It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
