You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
