Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize