I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
