cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
