she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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