i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
