walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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