Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
