U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
