Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
