some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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