Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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