It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
