does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
