Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
