I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Come share oat with me in your robe
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
