Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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