I need help removing her.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
