i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
