that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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