If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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