What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize