I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
