My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
