It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
